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Self-Pity and Depression

The following was excerpted from How to Win Over Depression Copyright ©1996 by Tim La Haye.

Another illustration . . . entered my my office and sighed, "After eight months of marriage, I'm as frigid as an iceberg." This lovely young woman had married a handsome marine in our city. They had been madly in love, according to her report, and she had looked forward to their wedding with great joy. Depressed after only a few months of marriage, she lost all interest in her husband. It seems that this young woman had been accused of promiscuity by a stepmother when she was fourteen years old. Two of her older sisters were very loose in their morals prior to marriage, which had caused the family no end of shame. When the stepmother made her untrue accusation, the girl mentally promised herself, "I will be a virgin when I marry, no matter what." Unfortunately, when her handsome fiancé put the engagement ring on her finger and they set their wedding date, she let down her barriers, and they had intercourse. She admitted to enjoying it and practicing it several times before the wedding.

Her problems really began when she donned her beautiful white wedding gown for the first time. That was her first genuine reminder that she was entering marriage without her virginity. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. Instead of blaming herself for giving in, she placed all the blame on her husband. Self-justification is a natural defense mechanism against self-condemnation, of course, so it was easier to blame him than share the responsibility. Before long, her hostility produced self-pity, and finally she became depressed. Her doctor prescribed medication that merely afforded temporary relief. The only hope for that woman was to forgive her husband, forgive herself, and seek God's forgiveness for her sins. When she finally did that, she was not only able to rid herself of depression, but to experience a renewed love for her husband. Since that time they have effected a warm and meaningful relationship together.


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