"The entrance of thy words giveth light (Psalm 119:130)."
Oversensitivity
I once worked at a social service agency where the subject of emotional oversensitivity came up as part of our in-service training. The presenter made the following comment: "If you're going to be bothered by every little thing, this isn't the place for you."
Oversensitivity can be a big problem—both for people who are oversensitive—and for those who work with them.
In order to benefit from this article, it is necessary to first get saved.
For purposes of this article, oversensitivity is defined as being "thin skinned" or overly impacted by the attitudes, feelings, actions or comments of others.
We are all negatively impacted more than we'd like by other people. However, there are ways to reduce this impact.
Oversensitivity is caused by four related factors. They follow.
First, the person's behavior is associated with a past hurt. Three examples follow: 1) If your early life experience includes authority figures who were verbally abusive, you may find yourself easily upset by anyone who is even mildly critical of you who is in a position of authority. 2) If you've suffered prolonged emotional abuse by a particular individual in the past, any future offense by that same person will likely elicit an emotional reaction far in excess of what would otherwise occur—even if you've already forgiven the individual. 3) If you were sexually abused, you may find yourself emotionally impacted by situations that would have no effect on other people. Example: A child in a group home once became very upset with me for being too close to him while he was sitting on the floor. He said I was "standing over" him. Later, after he had calmed down, he explained that he'd become upset as a result of having "issues." I knew, from his history, what he meant: He had been sexually abused.
Second: False beliefs.
Example:
If you've participated in psychotherapy, you may have been indoctrinated with the satanic lie that you must talk about everything. Therefore, it follows that you must always talk about everything that is even remotely offensive.
Participating in psychotherapy can have negative consequences—and this is a big one.
Never continue in therapy with someone who encourages you to share every thought that comes in to your mind.
Third, isolation. If you are used to being alone, minor issues become more problematic—you are not accustomed to dealing with these things.
Fourth, spiritual warfare. Satan is well-aware of your individual issues. And will seek to take advantage of them.
Unforgiveness and fear are especially problematic.
These result in spiritual footholds which give demons the ability to cause emotional distress, at times of their choosing.
I'll start with unforgiveness. Three things to keep in mind:
First: You always need to forgive other people from your heart. Otherwise, Satan gains a foothold and demons will torture you (Matthew 18:21-35). This is true even if—objectively speaking—the person did nothing wrong.
Second: It is very difficult or impossible to forgive other people unless you choose to love yourself and not take things personally. This is discussed later in the article.
Third: recognize that anger at God can also be an issue. Any time you experience emotional distress, you may naturally be angry at the God who allowed this to happen. This also gives the devil a foothold and results in emotional distress.
"If anyone does not love the Lord, let that person be cursed!" {1 Corinthians 16:22 NIV}
The solution follows.
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV)."
Jesus said: "If you love Me you will keep my commandments (John 14:15 NASB)."
It's important to thank God for hardships, as well as blessings. Otherwise, Satan gains power and you will suffer additional, unnecessary distress.
You can do this because God uses our hardships to make us wiser and stronger, more capable of helping other people and better prepared for eternity (Romans 8:28).
One more point: If there is unforgiveness in regard to anyone, Satan can bring emotional distress to bear on you whenever he chooses. Thus, the impact of a current event can be exaggerated.
This last point needs to be clearly understood. I've had times when something small impacted me a lot. Later, I came to realize that there was still some unforgiveness in my heart in regard to someone else. And Satan was exercising the foothold. What was really impacting me was largely independent of the current issue which I thought had upset me.
Unforgiveness is discussed, in more detail, in the article entitled How to Forgive. Another link is provided at the end of the article.
Next fear:
- " . . . fear involves torment." {1 John 4:18 NKJV}
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NKJV}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
- Trust & obey.
Fear is a sin. 'Be anxious for nothing' is a command, not a suggestion.
Fear always gives power to the devil.
Fear that you can't handle another person's comment gives power to the devil.
Fear that you must talk about every little thing gives power to the devil.
Compulsions to talk about every little thing will result in others viewing you as unstable.
Specific suggestions are provided later in the article.
More information, and a broader discussion, follow.
First: Use common sense. Avoid situations that will excessively impact you, when this is possible. For example, if you are easily impacted by criticism from authority figures, there are a number of alternatives to consider:
- Working for a family member.
- Becoming self-employed.
- Working on a job where you are largely independent. Examples: Gardener, delivery driver, garbage truck driver, custodian, elevator service technician.
- Working for someone who is consistently courteous, kind and pleasant.
- Working toward a position where you are the person in authority.
Second, if someone does something which, objectively speaking, really is offensive, you should generally say something—even if you don't feel badly upset. The Bible states: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him (Luke 17:3 NKJV). "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over (Matthew 18:15 NIV). Which Scripture applies depends on the situation.
More information on dealing with anger is available in my articles on Anger Management, How to Forgive and the series entitled Getting Rid of Anger. Additional links are provided at the end of this article.
If someone is abusive and you don't say something—when you should—Satan usually gains a foothold. This is especially true if you spend time dwelling on the issue. I remember one situation where someone said something rude to me. I let it go because I wasn't really that upset at the time. Days later, Satan exercised the foothold—and then I was really upset. It took a while, but I finally was able to forgive her and break free. However, this all could have been prevented if I had simply said something at the time.
In circumstances such as these, it is generally not a good idea to say something later—unless the person is a close friend, close family member or someone else with whom you have a close personal relationship.
Third, there are circumstances where you need to say something—even if another person is not being abusive. For example, I had one supervisor whose response to questions was often "No No No NO! You do NOT do that! She didn't mean to be offensive. But she was really impacting my emotions: this caused me to experience depression. I finally said something to her, and only then did I experience relief from the depression.
Fourth: Whenever you are angry with another person and decide to discuss the issue with him/her, remember the two sentence rule. To discharge the anger, you must say at least two distinct sentences, each with no qualifiers.
- Correct example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that at all."
- Incorrect example: "It ticked me off when you told the boss I didn't do my share of the work. I didn't like that, but anyway, what are you going to do about that file?"
Expressing your feelings—especially right after an incident occurs—makes it much easier to forgive and move on.
Remember the basics:
- Express that the incident bothered you.
- Don't be condemning.
- Forgive and seek to restore the relationship.
The person doesn't need to know how badly you were affected. Intimate personal relationships are an exception to this rule.
Fifth, whenever you're not sure what to do, turn the issue over to God right away.
Some Scriptures to keep in mind:
"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." {Psalm 55:22 NASB}
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." {Proverbs 3:5-8 NKJV}
"For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.
You meet him who rejoices in doing righteousness,
Who remembers You in Your ways." {Isaiah 64:4-5 NASB}
The basic steps for casting a burden are as follows:
- Surrender the issue to God.
- Trust & obey.
- Be willing to do whatever God says to do or not do.
- Wait until it becomes clear what to do.
- Don't dwell on the issue.
Be willing to say something, or not say anything, depending on whatever direction you receive from God.
God has to manage the situation—not you. Remember, God loves you and is smarter than you. He is also strong enough to carry the burden; that is, to help with your emotions.
However, He will usually only do so if you humble yourself before Him—tell God you need His help—and fully trust Him.
Don't dwell on offenses. This amounts to taking the burden back. This will always be emotionally damaging, even if it is done in the context of forgiveness.
Instead, forgive the person, practice trusting God and think about something else. Nothing more is needed.
Remember, God is now in charge. Allow God to carry the burden. And wait until He makes it clear what to do.
If there's nothing to be done about a situation, or nothing to be done at the present time, just forgive, trust God and think about something else.
More information is included in the following:
Additional links are provided at the end of the article
Sixth: Adopt a positive attitude toward yourself. And, don't take things personally; that is, don't internalize the negativity of others.
Consider the following Scriptures.
"Love your neighbor as yourself." {Mark 12:31 NIV}
". . . He made us accepted in the Beloved." {Ephesians 1:6 NKJV}
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you . . ." {Isaiah 43:4 NIV}
"Also do not take to heart everything people say,
Lest you hear your servant cursing you.
For many times, also, your own heart has known
That even you have cursed others." {Ecclesiastes 7.21-22 NKJV}
Choosing to love yourself makes you stronger; you are not as easily impacted by the comments others make.
Choosing to love yourself makes it easier to forgive both yourself and other people.
It is difficult or impossible to forgive if you internalize the negativity of others; that is, if you accept their negative assessment of your character or worth.
This can be a particular problem for those who received global negative parental messages growing up. Examples: 1) "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" 2) "Boy are you stupid!"
It is essential that you counter the negative assessments of your actions and character by others so that you can forgive.
This is what it means to not take things personally.
But how?
Keep reading.
Remembering God's opinion of you can help you to overcome the negativity of others. If you choose to believe what the Bible says about you is true.
Your own opinion of yourself, and your own perspective, is of the utmost practical importance. These can enable you to triumph over the negativity of others. You can choose to love and accept yourself or you can allow the wickedness of others to prevail. This is a choice.
Furthermore, it is necessary to disbelieve, from your heart, the negative global assessments of your character by others, even if they have some basis in your past life.
Some examples:
- A former prostitute cannot think of herself as 'a whore.' She is not.
- A former sex offender cannot think of himself as 'a pervert.'
- A former inmate cannot continue to think of himself as 'a criminal.'
- A man with a history of failure cannot think of himself as being 'stupid' or as being 'a loser.'
- Someone who has been sexually abused cannot think of themselves as 'damaged goods' or as being 'worthless.'
- Otherwise, when someone's criticism touches on a sensitive area, it will be very difficult or impossible for you to forgive the person.
It is necessary for you to forgive yourself as well as other people.
It is necessary to counter negative thoughts, especially self-critical thoughts. You have to correct these thoughts.
It is also important to comfort yourself. Fear gives power to the devil.
Affirmations are recommended.
God's perspective:
- God loves me.{Isaiah 43:4}
- God accepts me. {Ephesians 1:6}
Personal perspective:
- I love me. {Mark 12:31}
- I accept myself. {Mark 12:31}
- I forgive myself. {Mark 12:31}
- I don't care what he (she) thinks.
Correct negative and self-critical thoughts:
- I am not (fill in blank).
- Or, say the opposite.
Comforting yourself:
- I don't expect myself to be perfect.
- I can handle this.
- It's no big deal. {Philippians 4:6}
Practice using affirmations and always correct negative thoughts.
This will strengthen you and make you more resilient.
This will strengthen your ability to forgive both yourself and other people.
It will result in a lot more peace.
Doug Britton MFT wrote: "There's no need to take it personally even if it was meant to be taken personally."
Seventh: Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to enable you to forgive:
- Affirmation: I choose to forgive him (her).
- "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." {Philippians 4:13 NASB}
Sometimes you can't forgive in your own strength.
Eighth: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes what others say can be interpreted several ways. Assuming the best makes it much easier to forgive.
Ninth:
- Trust and obey:
- Fully trust God.
- Forgive from your heart.
Fear and unforgiveness give power to the devil. A lot of power.
Tenth: Reciting Scripture, preferably out loud, is highly recommended.
"For the word of God is living and active . . ." {Hebrews 4:12 NASB}
Examples:
- "Be anxious for nothing . . ." {Philippians 4:6 NASB}
- "Trust in Him at all times . . ." {Psalm 62:8 NASB}
- ". . . whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right . . . think about these things." {Philippians 4:8 NASB}
And do what the Scripture says.
Eleventh: Resolve to develop a backbone. People will sometimes say negative things about you. And some people are vicious. Resolve not to allow yourself to be unduly impacted. This is something you can do.
Twelfth: Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to avoid being adversely impacted in the first place. Practice doing this. This is what you will use most often.
Thirteenth: Monitor your self-talk. Your words have power. Your self-talk needs to be rational and comforting. Self-talk is always a choice.
Correct negative thoughts. And remember to recite Scripture.
Fourteenth: Don't isolate yourself.
"It is not good for the man to be alone." {Genesis 2:18 NIV}
"Let us not neglect our church meetings . . ." {Hebrews 10:25 TLB}
You learn as a result of being in community. Especially from your mistakes.
Also, get an 'accountability partner' whom you talk with every week. Pray for each other and discuss what is going on in your lives.
Select such a person carefully.
You will come under spiritual attacks, over little things, during conversations. However, in time, you will also learn how to trust God; you will no longer be unduly impacted. And you will no longer feel the need to talk about every little thing.
Finally: Some closing comments.
Practice trusting God. Remember, fear always gives power to the devil.
Guidance from God comes within the context of relative peace—not panic. Don't mistake the voice of God for the voice of the enemy.
"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered." {Proverbs 28:26 NASB}
You don't have to talk about every little thing that impacts you—unless you give in to fear and think that you have to.
Practice not saying anything—when this is the wise thing to do.
Remember, spiritual warfare is a fact of life. It is not reasonable to expect that you will come to a point where you never come under attack in some way. Attacks will include:
- Temporary emotional distress.
- Thoughts designed to disturb you.
It is important to respond intelligently to such attacks.
Oversensitivity can be a big problem. But I think you'll find that this approach will make things much easier.
Note: Also recommended:
- How to Forgive.
- How to Cast a Burden.
- Stopping Spiritual Attacks.
- Declarations to Strengthen You.
- When Satan Gets a Foothold.
By using this website you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.